I think it's time for a little update now that I am in the home stretch of my first trimester.
We all know I like to keep it real, so I'll just start by saying that gestating 2 babies is by far the HARDEST thing that my body has ever had to endure. And this is coming from somebody who knows her body, who knows her limits, and who is very familiar with the feeling of discomfort. I push myself to those limits for a living. I am immersed in the endurance game of pain and gain. And until now, I thought I had it mastered! If a girl can run 5 miles, weight train to muscle failure, and kickbox that evening then pregnancy ain't got nothing on her!
WRONG!!!!! oh, so very wrong and oh so very humbling.
You see, I can't even compete with that girl formerly known as "ElizaBEAST" because she has gone on a long vacation. She left the building and "ElizaBEAT" moved in. And that is exactly what I am...ALL.THE.TIME. I am BEAT!
I always told myself if I were ever to get pregnant again that I would be the ultimate green natural super fit mom. If I were 95% clean and healthy, pregnancy would make me 120% that way!!!
Um, yeah, not so much.
Here's the thing, the past 6 weeks, I have become the epitome of the average American. I went from bouncing out of bed at 5 am every day to not wanting to get out of bed at all. I feel chronically ill. I am exhausted. I feel like I have a low grade flu all the time. My muscles ache. I'm breaking out like a teenager. My head feels as if it will implode at any minute. I nap for 2 hours every day. I EAT like it's my job and I eat out A LOT. I have no energy to cook and my taste buds are very specifically craving foods that will make me fat FAST. I'm getting very little work done. I clean my house just enough to make it "appear" not disgusting. I go to bed early.
Yes. I am completely dysfunctional right now.
Ok. Not completely dysfunctional. Here's what I AM managing to do.
I'm raising 2 other children. (Well, right now they're kind of raising me. But they can't drive. We're working on it. ;)
I teach a bootcamp out of my home every day.
I teach kickboxing 3 days a week.
I am putting together meal plans for clients.
I'm juicing fresh every day.
I'm choosing MOSTLY healthy items from menus.
.....Yep, that's about it.
That list was more for my self assurance than your awareness, but hey, I guess it does make me realize that I may feel dysfunctional but I'm not worthless. :)
Some days, I wake up not feeling completely terrible which makes me think that I feel AWESOME and I'll get all CARPE DIEM and then and 2 o clock, I crash and pay for it by not getting out of bed the next 2 days.
Oh my gosh this blog entry is depressing me!! LOL
Seriously though...with all that said.....here's the cool thing.....I still really like myself.
hahahahaha.
I know who I am. I know what I'm about. I know I'm not being weak. I know I'm not being a hypocrite. I know I'm not being a failure. Because trust me....at any moment that I have any oz of any life in me, I use it for good. In all of my weaknesses, I am finding strength to keep having a purpose. And my number 1 purpose right now is to grow 2 healthy babies.
I have listened to my body and it has told me to SLEEP and EAT. It really has. I am GENUINELY hungry and tired. I only crave foods that will make me fat, so I eat them because my body needed fat on it....PRONTO. No I'm not a skinny girl, but I was very lean and in order for multiples to get a good start they need a TON of nutrition and calories.
I've read a book recently from a DR who is a master at brining healthy birth weight multiples full term. She is adamant that women with my body fat gain 25 lbs by 20 weeks where as a mother of a singleton should only gain 10-12. So far, I'm right on track. I've gained 11 pounds in 11 weeks. And I'm proud of it. Yes, it's not fun and it's hard on my body, but when I saw my high resolution ultrasound the other day and my babies were perfect, I wanted to HUG myself. :)
The reason why early weight gain is so imperative....especially for a mother with identical twins is that they are sharing a placenta. The placenta needs to be rich and large to feed them both well. There is also an average of 4 less weeks gestation time for twins and less room in the woman's stomach to eat later in pregnancy. And when you have 2 large babies needing nutrition later in pregnancy, they WILL be accessing fat stores. And this dr guarantees that postpartum weight loss happens much faster when you gain your weight in the beginning.
So, I say game ON. Pass the fat! I'm hungry! I really am ok with myself and no I don't have the perfect body but I have a body that serves a great purpose, is strong, and is capable to great things, so I love it for that. I don't care if my boobs get saggy and my skin gets all stretched out and I get stretch marks. I feel so honored to carry 2 babies that I say BRING ON THE BATTLE SCARS! I'll bounce back one day!
I will be 12 weeks pregnant on March 20th. That's less than a week away! I'm hoping for some raging hormonal relief, but I have resolved myself to a very uncomfortable pregnancy, if not for illness then for size. I've seen pictures of girls my size later in a twin pregnancy and it's a jaw dropping sight!
Ok. with all that said.....I am at great peace right now. I was told I may have a high risk pregnancy because the doctors were unable to find a separating membrane between the twins which would have allowed them to swim around each other and get their cords tangled which can restrict blood flow and lead to fetal death. It requires constant fetal monitoring and several months of bed rest. I waited 4 long weeks since my first ultrasound to get answers. Wednesday, I went in to my perinatology appointment for a high resolution ultrasound to get a deeper look. The first thing I saw when he put the ultrasound on my belly was the membrane!!! God had answered prayers and I knew we had one less thing to worry about. But beyond the membrane, we found 2 perfect babies. They were the exact same size. They had strong heartbeats, and my placenta looked "beautiful". Blood flow was phenomenal! That's because all the blood in my brain and body are going to my babies!!! I'll get to find out in about 4 weeks if we are expecting girls or boys. I can't wait!
So, I guess you could say....as terrible as I feel, my body is doing exactly what it should and my babies are doing well. I am being gracious with myself understanding that I have to rearrange my priorities and acknowledge my shortcomings. Everything will be fine and even if I don't manage to feel well the whole 9 months of my pregnancy, I won't be pregnant forever, and one day I'll be back to normal except I'll be even stronger.
I am definitely adding this Pregnancy to my fit list. If I'm fit to do this then I'm fit to do ANYTHING!
